Should I Marry Him? Is he the right one for me?

Should I marry him?

Wow. A huge decision, if you have any sense. Marriage is supposed to be for life and it can get complicated to split up, sometimes it can be impossible. The last thing you want is to marry the wrong person and then regret it later. If you are young and anticipating being together for decades it is the biggest decision you will ever make, life changing.

And it is something which could bring you financial ruin if you are the wrong end of the stick when finances are dealt with. If you are elderly and you are marrying someone where you will be together for a few years before one of you passes over then you have already lived most of your years and it is not such an earth shattering decision, but you still need to take it very seriously and not assume that because you are both elderly it does not matter. Some people see elderly people settling down as some sort of desperate attempt at making the most of the end of their days, with no other options, but there are other options, some of them good ones, some of them maybe better ones. For example, if you moved into a complex where lots of elderly people are and you had them as neighbours and friends at least you would be having company, you would also be able to be your own person. When you live with another person you can lose some of your identity. It can become difficult to still be you. This is especially the case when you are a female and settling down with a man. People can see you as John or Peter's partner or wife rather than a person in your own right. Many of the women I know refer to themselves as John's wife or Bill's mother, rather than as an individual. Nobody ever refers to a man this way, perhaps they would refer to him as John the lawyer or John the policeman, but that is still about him, not just how he is an addition to another person's life!

One way to decide, or at least help you to decide, whether to marry X or not, is to consult a reputable leading psychic or therapist. Someone who has a lot of experience, someone who is available online quickly. Chatting to people you know such as friends and family often gets you more confused or wastes valuable time. No matter how much they love you and care they are not necessarily going to understand you or how you feel nor know the answers. A typical therapist can take time to go through this with you, they may insist you see them once a week or month for a while before you can get to the ending. A good clairvoyant psychic or tarot card reader should be able to give you a good idea of how things will be and whether or not you would regret marrying them in just one session. If you are not spiritual and you are seeking wisdom and insight without the tarot cards or clairvoyance then ask an agony aunt advice online instead. It is far quicker and cheaper than consulting a therapist. For those who are into religion you may wish to discuss it with a minister but please do not assume that a minister is some sort of all knowing oracle, they are human and they make mistakes and there is much they do not know or understand about relationships.

Whether you should marry whoever depends on what you already have and what you want out of life and if this other person can offer it. It also depends on what other options you have in an attempt to find that happiness you want. It does not mean you are miserable now but it may mean you can be even happier than you are now and should seriously consider whatever it takes for that reason. There are people who live being single, but most of them talk the talk and do not walk the walk. They will tell you being single is great because they can come and go as they please, yet as soon as they have a day on their own they panic and get needy and want to phone people to go on about stuff or invite themselves around to their home to sit there for hours talking. That is not someone who is happy being single, nor is it someone who is aware of themselves and considerate of others. It does not follow that because you are single other people should be at your beck and call and fill in the gaps in your life whenever you would be down or alone otherwise either.

Ask yourself what other options you have? How realistic is it to wait a bit in case other better options come along? How important is it to say yes to this chance before it disappears and what chance is there that it will disappear? Is there a chance to compromise if you are unsure or not keen on marrying? Could you end up spending a lot of time together on a regular basis or living together instead if this suits you better? Are you wanting the same things as your potential new spouse? What are their motives for wanting to marry you? All of these things are important. You need to have some idea of who you are and who this other person is to work out the right solution!  If you do not know them well enough to do that you should not be marrying them or living with them. 

I've often come across people who ask me should I marry him when they do not even know him. They are attracted because they hate being single or the sex is good or he is good looking rather than because he can make them happy for many years to come. Choosing a husband should be a logical decision not just about love and lust. You need to choose a husband who will make you happy and take care of you, where you both put in equally, not one who takes you for granted, leaves you to do all of the boring bits or bores you to tears with his company after a bit.

Make sure you see this not just as a way to spend more time with them now and in the near future, look at the other things that make up a marriage. Do you like their family? Have they any burning flaws, negatives or problems? Do they carry baggage? Have they got any addictions? Are they solid and reliable? Do they flirt and have a roving eye? Are they hard working, good with money and responsible? These are all questions you should ask yourself when the question is should I marry him? Some women desperately try to get a man to marry them because they want to "own him" and feel that he is theirs forever if they get them to commit. Remember that many marriages end in divorce and just as many end in misery but the couple staying together, you have a far better chance of your marriage working out happily if you preempt any possible problems that can happen between you first. Look at it all with a cautious and logical eye, not as a fairy story, and you should be fine.