Don’t Assume What He Is Thinking

May 21
02:09

2024

Catherine Behan

Catherine Behan

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As the meeting dragged on well past its scheduled end time, I felt a knot forming in my stomach. My partner was waiting for me, and I was torn between staying until the meeting concluded and rushing to avoid upsetting him. This internal conflict left me feeling tense and uneasy.

The Familiar Feeling of Anxiety

I knew he might be upset,Don’t Assume What He Is Thinking Articles and I found myself bending over backward to prevent that. A lump formed in my throat. Wait a minute, haven't I felt this way before? Only about a thousand times. And how old am I? Thirteen?

I can't pinpoint the first time I felt the fear that I was "in trouble," that something bad was going to happen, and I couldn't stop it. But this was that same feeling. And I am 55 years old, for Pete's sake.

Regrouping and Reassessing

Okay, regroup. My wonderful partner loves me. He might be inconvenienced and even annoyed, but the truth is, I don't "know for sure" that he is upset with me. Actually, it's my own thoughts that are upsetting me.

I took a couple of deep breaths and deliberately chose different thoughts. I interrupted the hamster wheel of fearful thinking with:

  • "He is an adult and can figure out what to do with himself while he waits for me."
  • "I want to stay at the meeting. I'm having fun, and even though it's running a little long, I'm having a spectacular time, and that's great."
  • "I am not responsible for his feelings."
  • "Everything is going to be okay."
  • "He is not like the boyfriends in my past. He loves me, adores me really, and he will get over his disappointment about my schedule."

A Lightbulb Moment

Out of the blue, a solution popped into my head. I grabbed my cell phone and texted him my favorite transitional statement for those awkward times:

"It sure is lucky I'm cute, isn't it?"

Smiling as I sent it off to him, I felt relieved. I am changing. Sure, I have thought habits from back in the day that still show up from time to time, but at least I am recognizing them and choosing different ones. I know for sure that when I am calm and confident, I am more likely to come up with a bit of humor to bridge the gap and get us back into good rapport.

The Power of Self-Awareness

Sipping our wine at dinner after the meeting finally ended, I enjoyed his warm attention and conversation. Had I not relieved my own anxiety, I would have projected an entirely different mood, and he would have felt my fear instead of my love. I am changing, and step by step, I am learning to leave my past in the past, where it belongs.

Interesting Stats and Insights

  • Anxiety in Relationships: According to the Anxiety and Depression Association of America (ADAA), anxiety disorders are the most common mental illness in the U.S., affecting 40 million adults. Relationship anxiety is a significant subset of this, often stemming from past experiences and insecurities (ADAA).
  • Communication in Relationships: A study by the Gottman Institute found that couples who use humor and affection during conflicts are more likely to stay together. This aligns with the idea that a light-hearted text can defuse tension and improve communication (Gottman Institute).
  • Self-Awareness and Emotional Regulation: Research published in the journal Emotion indicates that individuals who practice self-awareness and emotional regulation are better equipped to handle stress and maintain healthy relationships (Emotion Journal).

By understanding and addressing our own thoughts and feelings, we can improve our relationships and overall well-being. It's a journey of self-discovery and growth, one step at a time.