Kids With Your Ex For The Holidays? 5 Keys To Coping

The Emotional Landscape of Holidays Post-Divorce

My children are now adults—successful, bright, and thriving in their respective worlds. I am immensely proud of them and how they have managed the dissolution of our family. My ex-husband and I maintain good relationships with them, and the past is firmly behind us. I have since remarried and relocated, while he has also moved on with a significant other.

However, as the holiday season approaches, a wave of sadness often washes over me. Why am I surprised by this? After nearly 30 years of marriage, the dream of "happily ever after" lingered far longer than it should have. The loss of our family unit, shared moments of joy, and mutual celebrations of our children's achievements still sting, even five years post-divorce.

Five Keys to Coping During the Holidays

Here are five strategies to help you cope with the holiday blues when your kids are with your ex. Choose at least one and commit to it; your children will benefit from your emotional maturity.

1. Redefine Happily Ever After

Who says "happily ever after" is a myth? Each of us has moved past the family breakup into new and exciting adventures. We've met new people, learned new things, and created new memories. Embrace the mantra: "I AM living happily ever after!"

2. Watch a Sad Movie

Yes, you read that right! Watching a sad movie can be therapeutic. For instance, I recently watched "28 Days" starring Sandra Bullock. The film, a poignant family drama, made it easier for me to cry and release some of my sadness. Crying can be a healthy way to process your emotions.

3. Write a Letter to Your Kids

Pour your heart out in a letter to your children. You don't need to send it. Express your disappointment about not being with them and how proud you are of their resilience. Let them know that both you and your ex love them dearly and are doing your best to manage your feelings.

4. Practice Gratitude

You've heard it a million times, but staying grateful is crucial. It's challenging when your emotions are in turmoil, but you can do it. Be thankful for your new relationships, your wonderful children, and the fact that you are no longer in an unhappy marriage. Gratitude can significantly improve your emotional well-being.

5. Clean a Closet

Yes, you heard that right! Cleaning can be a great way to distract yourself and feel productive. Declutter your space by throwing away, giving away, or selling items you no longer need. Plug in your favorite audiobook or some uplifting music and get busy. You'll feel accomplished and lighter when you're done.

The Impact on Your Children

Your children may not express it, but they are deeply affected by how you handle your emotions during this time. They are highly sensitive to your feelings and will have a much happier holiday when they see you using healthy coping mechanisms.

Interesting Stats and Facts

• According to the American Psychological Association, about 40-50% of married couples in the United States divorce, and the rate is even higher for subsequent marriages (APA).
• A study by the Pew Research Center found that 62% of children live with two married parents, a decrease from 87% in 1960 (Pew Research Center).
• Research indicates that children of divorced parents are more likely to experience emotional and behavioral issues, but maintaining a positive relationship with both parents can mitigate these effects (National Institute of Health).

Conclusion

While the holidays can be a challenging time when your children are with your ex, adopting these coping strategies can make a significant difference. Your emotional well-being is not only crucial for you but also for your children. They will appreciate your efforts to stay positive and emotionally healthy.

How about you? What strategies have you used to cope with the holiday blues in a broken family? Share your thoughts and experiences.