Navigating the murky waters of rekindling a physical relationship with an ex can be challenging. This article delves into the emotional and psychological aspects of deciding whether to engage in a booty call with an ex, offering practical advice and insights to help you make an informed decision.
"I'll be in town for a couple of days and would love to see you," the familiar voice said, filled with hope. Instantly, a flood of mixed emotions washed over me. We had broken up months ago, and I had been trying to move on ever since.
Unbidden, memories of our passionate moments, the way he made me feel beautiful, and our romantic evenings sipping wine at sunset came rushing back. Our brief fling had been the most exhilarating experience I'd had in years.
Now, here he was, breezing back into my life, inviting me to reconnect. I knew my friends would be shocked that I was even considering it, so I kept his call a secret. There were so many good times. Why did we break up anyway?
Does this scenario sound familiar? It happened to me several years ago, and I chose to say no. It was an excruciating decision because the chemistry was undeniable. (Why do the wrong men often have such exciting chemistry? It's just not fair!) Here's how it played out.
My gorgeous, exciting ex-flame was visiting my tiny apartment. Candles were lit, jazz was playing, and he was doing his best to coax me into bed. "It's important to live in the moment," he said, "Do what feels good now." Despite my newfound interest in The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle, I knew he was pushing his agenda over my hesitant objections.
I was so tempted. He asked for a back massage, which I agreed to. I loved touching him, and what harm could it do? Ha! As I rubbed oil on his back, he gently encouraged me to respond to my natural arousal and seal the deal. What a pickle!
Somehow, in the middle of this highly charged situation, I said to myself first and then to him, "Wait a minute. Just hold up here. I want to think about what is right for me."
I went across the room, sat in a chair, closed my eyes, and pleaded with my inner wisdom, "Please help me know what to do. I want this man, but the red flags are waving madly! What should I do?"
I hoped for a clear yes or no, but what I got was the most amazing and calming answer: "Whichever choice you make will be fine. You are going to be fine, no matter what."
I laughed out loud and told him what I heard. He laughed too. I'm sure he hoped my inner guidance said yes, but he was wonderful when I told him I decided no. He had made it clear that he wasn't interested in a relationship with me, and as much as I wished I could change his mind, I had to face the truth. Sex would be fun with him, but I knew myself too well. I liked him more than that, and a booty call would send me into weeks of obsession! Bottom line, I want to be loved more than anything. Love has to be primary.
Are you facing a similar situation? A dear friend of mine always used to quip, "An ex is an ex for a reason" whenever I looked back at my ex-boyfriend. I would say the same to you. But if you're not sure, here are three questions to ask yourself:
Do you genuinely feel a heart connection to this man? Get quiet and allow the memories of your breakup to come back to you. On a scale of 1 to 10, how hurt and disappointed were you? If it's 6 or above, stop for a moment and think about adding another disappointment to the mix. Does that work for you?
If you are, that's a symptom of an out-of-control mind. If you broke up, there was a reason for that. Jump into a new hobby or get outside and walk a couple of miles a day while listening to an audiobook. Take action to give your mind something else to focus on. An obsessive person is not very attractive, not even to their friends.
Trust your friends. Just like the Sex and the City girls, trust someone to talk to about this. Often, your friends can see your situation more clearly. Yes, Carrie and Big got together, but that was a fairy tale. More often than not, an ex is an ex for a reason, and moving on is your best bet.
If you can't get him out of your mind, don't worry! There are plenty of ways to occupy your mind while the next candidate comes across your path. Not to sound like my grandma, but there really are a lot of fish in the sea, and there is someone out there for you.
If you're spending hours a day mooning over an ex, you can't put too much energy into thinking the thoughts that will attract that new person to you. Is that okay with you?
By considering these statistics and asking yourself the right questions, you can make a more informed decision about whether a booty call with your ex is truly in your best interest.
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