The Pain Associated with the Status Quo

When one goes through the certification process of becoming a coach, they are introduced to a number of different concepts and quotations, some of which stick with them for a long while. One of the ones I remember hearing that recently came to my mind reads as follows: “When the pain associated with the status quo is greater than the pain associated with making a change that is when one is ready to take action”. I was having a conversation with a close friend and trusted colleague about the tendency of people to be reluctant to ask for help. As she pointed out to me, for many there is a stigma to doing so. Their mindset is that to do so is a sign of weakness or vulnerability. As such, they continue to handle situations which come into their life using the same methods over and over again. When a solution does not come quickly, their pain continues to grow.

Many of the coaches I have met possess the characteristics of empathy and passion. It is not easy for us to see people suffer. We’re of a mindset that we can help address what is troubling another individual. Yet patience is a virtue we must learn. When an individual reaches out to ask another for help, whether in a coaching relationship or not, that is a huge step for the person doing the asking. Sometimes, they’re not exactly sure of the help that they may need. Other times they have guilt feelings about imposing on another. For still others, it’s the pride of not being able to solve the issue themselves. However, our world continues to grow more complex each day. Methods and institutions that we have trusted for years are no longer serving us well. It is becoming difficult for one person to become an expert in many different areas. There is far more specialization. As such, those who focus on a particular area on a constant basis often time will be able to solve our issue, quicker, faster and with less stress than if we leave the issue for us to address.

If you have been feeling particularly stressed about different issues in your life, take some time for yourself to think them through. How long has the particular item been bothering you? What is the root cause of the pain that it is providing to you? Is it something you truly must deal with all by yourself? Or would you benefit from the help and support of others? That help does not necessarily have to be through a professional provider. It could be as simple as attending a group of like minded people at a support group facing a similar issue. Many libraries, church groups and service organizations provide support for people in employment transition, facing the loss of a loved one, dealing with an illness, etc. Isolation is a choice, as is sharing oneself with others. However, the chances are that isolation will be more painful over the long run than interaction with others. It is part of our makeup as human beings to want to share contact with others.

Maybe you are not ready at this moment to move forward. That is OK. However, as you choose not to take that step at this time, it is just as likely your pain will stay as it is, or continue to grow if you do nothing to address it. However, as painful as change or opening yourself to others appears to be, evaluate it against the status quo. When the answer comes back to you that nothing can be as painful as the status quo, you’ll be ready to take those first steps.