How To Cope With Break Up – Why Can't I Get My Ex Back?

You are probably feeling some of the strongest emotions you have ever felt in your life right now, because you are dealing with a break up.

Don't underestimate the power of love and how it can dominate your life, especially when you are desperate to get your ex to come back to you. 

You will be feeling lonely, disappointed and let down.  Those are the mild emotions.  What about heartbroken, miserable and desperate?

Well if you are feeling all of these emotions and you will undoubtedly be experiencing at least some of them, then you are probably wearing all of these feelings on your sleeve and allowing everyone around you to see what is going on for you right now.

Why should you care about that?  Isn't it okay for you to feel this way about the end of your relationship? Surely people will understand.

Well of course they will, for a while.  Friends and family will be supportive; until they get tired of seeing you mope around.  This might sound harsh, but it is important to understand how you will appear to others.  This is because, this is also how you will appear to your ex.

So, why shouldn't your ex know how you are feeling, how much they have hurt you?  Of course they should and they will at the beginning, when you first break up.  There is no harm in that and it will certainly make you feel better that you have made clear how much you have been affected.

BUT – and this is important - you need to very quickly try and pull yourself together and put on a happy face.  You don't want to drive your ex even further away, by making sure that every time they see you, you are a crying, miserable mess.  Don't give them reasons for wanting to stay away!

You want your ex to see you as someone who is still fun to be around and who is easy to get along with.  Avoid recriminations and scenes – it will not help your case at all.  Telling someone all about how they have ruined your life, the mistakes they made during your relationship or reminding them of broken promises will not endear you to them.

It will not be easy to bite your tongue when you see them, or be pleasant when all you feel like doing is shouting in frustration.  You will swing between that fine line of hating your ex for what they have done to you and how they have made you feel, and loving them so much that you feel like you can't go on without them.

This is where you really need to take a step back and think hard about how you are going to get your ex to come back to you.  If you wanted a promotion at work or a pay rise or if you wanted to persuade a friend to do you a big favour, you would spend time thinking about how you were going to go about it wouldn't you?

You certainly wouldn't take the erratic approach that you are probably using with your ex right now – blowing hot and cold and unable to control your emotions from one minute to the next.  How many times do you start off by being pleasant and non confrontational, determined not to get into another argument, only for it all to end in tears and frustration?

This is because you don't have a step by step plan that you can follow and stick to even when emotions threaten to overwhelm you.

So help yourself by deciding exactly how you are going to approach getting your ex back and stick to it at all costs.