Do you want to get your love life back on track? Do you want to find your lifetime sweetheart who is there for keeps? If so, then good for you! You are already taking a huge step forward just by admitting those things to yourself!
But yes,
being a single mum does offer some unique challenges to one's dating life, as compared to those single ladies without children. Most single mums even avoid dating by dedicating all their time to their children. I am NOT saying that this is wrong, but if you feel like singlehood is not for you, then you shouldn't be hiding behind the safety cloak of your children's welfare.
Remember that as much as you love your kids, you have to give some allowances to allow you to love yourself also.
At one point, you may have thought, or you may think, that letting your life revolve around your kids is the best idea. Well, I beg to differ.
Relationship expert Vicki Lansky says, "Becoming socially active again is important because it helps free a parent from becoming obsessive about his or her parenting role. Letting your adult life revolve around your child's is actually very hard on your child."
So yes, you see, having a social life not only benefits you, but also your child. Spending every waking minute thinking of your children, doing things for your children, and essentially, getting yourself lost in your children is not a good thing for both you and the kids.
The best advice? Go out there and spend some ME time. If you feel that you are ready to start a new romance, then do so! A mature adult would not completely feel whole if she is not in a relationship with another adult. In that sense, relationships, romantic and platonic, are highly encourages.
But let's face it, dating is more challenging for single mums compared to single ladies without kids. They aren't problems to be solved but challenges to be conquered. Your biggest challenge is with your children. Lansky says that, "Be aware, too, that children are usually more accepting of dad's dating than of mom's dating. It's hard to say whether it's a sexist reaction or just that mom, more often than not, is the caretaking parent and is expected to maintain the status quo." Well, that does bite a bit, doesn't it?
BUT, there things that you can do to make your children accept the fact that their mom wants to go indulge in Single Parent dating.
First, prepare them by talking to them honestly about the situation. Make them understand that as much as mummy loves them and that they would always, always be number one in your heart, you also need someone, an adult someone, to share your love and be in a relationship with.
Also, talk to them about dating, and ask yourself first if your children are ready for a new man in their lives, then gently explain your reasons on why you want to take on Single Parent dating again.
Second, acknowledge their fears. Don't tell them that they are being scared of losing you, because, yes, it is a fact that children do feel that they are losing their single mums when they start dating again. Assure them of your love for them, by always making time to play, to talk, and to hang out with them. As much as you may be tempted to stay in front of the computer to browse through promising personals, always remember that your children's needs come first. And lastly, be understanding. In a child's point of view, a new guy is someone that would be a rival to your affections. So, please understand when your children throw tantrums and fits when you introduce a new guy for the first time. You may also expect bouts of unusual rudeness and pettiness. Your children may even go so far as to "sabotage" your online dating experience.
