Growing up in church as a young single woman, I often heard the phrase, "Make sure he loves Jesus more than you." This advice, though seemingly simple, carries profound implications for relationships and marriage.
As a young woman in church, I frequently encountered the saying, "Ensure he loves Jesus more than you." Initially, I brushed it off as a cliché without delving into its deeper meaning. Reflecting on Adam's relationship with God in the Garden of Eden, it's clear that Adam's bond with God was unbroken and pure. Before Eve, Adam experienced a perfect communion with God, free from sin and shame. This divine relationship was entirely sufficient for Adam, as God's perfect love, grace, and joy flowed freely into his soul. Adam never felt discontent or a need for someone other than God. However, God, in His wisdom, saw that it was not good for Adam to be alone and created Eve as a gift for him.
When God introduced Eve to Adam, He didn't caution Adam to love Him more than Eve. In the Garden, the relationships between God and Eve, God and Adam, and Adam and Eve existed in perfect harmony. Sin, however, disrupted this balance, turning God's good gifts into idols that we serve instead of Him.
Jesus emphasized the importance of loving God above all else in Matthew 22:36-40: "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind." This commandment applies whether we are married, single, or dating. But how do we prioritize God when we are falling in love with someone else?
God intended for Adam to experience and practice love and deep connection in his relationship with Eve, a love that flows from and reflects the love and fellowship of God. As 1 John 4:11-12 states, "Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us."
The advice to ensure your partner loves Jesus more than you is not as straightforward as it seems. A boyfriend doesn't necessarily have to choose between God and you. Harmony and balance are possible through Christ, but we must still navigate the disruptions caused by sin. This advice serves as a warning against idolatry in our relationships, whether dating or married.
Your boyfriend should genuinely care for you, and this doesn't automatically mean he is idolizing you. It's important not to over-spiritualize Christian dating. Romantic feelings and attraction are not trivial or unnecessary. We must avoid adopting a Gnostic or overly simplistic view of romantic relationships, where the physical is deemed evil and the spiritual is considered good. These aspects are not opposing forces but are united in the person of Christ. We follow the God-man, who is both fully physical and spiritual.
When I was dating my husband, he was (and still is) a devout man. However, he recalls that our relationship sometimes overshadowed his connection with God. As a single man, he spent more time reading the Bible and praying, but when we started dating, much of that time was dedicated to me. He found it challenging to spend personal time with the Lord after we got married.
God created Eve for Adam, even though Adam had God. This demonstrates the importance and benefit of the male/female relationship. However, since the fall, we must be mindful of sin's pitfalls—ways in which we elevate the gift over the Giver, the seen over the Unseen, the relationship over the Relationship. If you want your boyfriend to become a husband who loves you like Christ, ensure he is walking with Christ. How else can he love you like Him?
By ensuring that your partner loves Jesus more than you, you are laying a foundation for a relationship that is not only spiritually fulfilling but also emotionally and relationally stable.
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