Marriage counseling is often seen as a beacon of hope for troubled couples, but what if the very service meant to salvage relationships is actually causing harm? A surprising 25% of couples who undergo marriage counseling report being worse off after the sessions, and up to 38% end up divorcing. This article delves into the potential pitfalls of marriage counseling and explores alternatives that could be more beneficial for couples seeking to mend their relationships.
Before you consider marriage counseling as a solution, it's crucial to be aware of the potential downsides. This exploration will help you make an informed decision and possibly prevent a costly mistake that could affect both your financial stability and the future of your marriage.
In July 1999, Dr. William J. Doherty, a respected figure in the field, presented a concerning report at a conference for professional marriage counselors. He argued that the prevalent therapy-based, American style of marriage counseling might be more hazardous than beneficial for couples.
A report by USA Today in June 1999 echoed Doherty's concerns, highlighting that marriage counseling may not be as effective as previously thought, with its benefits potentially being short-lived. This report supported research indicating that many marriage counselors lacked formal training in couple's therapy. Two years after undergoing marriage counseling, 25% of couples were in a worse state than before, and up to 38% had divorced.
Alarmingly, while 80% of private practice marriage counselors in the U.S. claim to conduct marriage therapy, only 12% belong to a profession that mandates even a single course in couple's therapy. This discrepancy suggests that many counselors may not be adequately equipped to handle the unique challenges of working with couples.
Dr. Doherty identified four ways in which marriage counselors could inadvertently damage relationships:
Dr. Doherty advises couples to thoroughly vet potential counselors by asking key questions about their training, attitudes towards saving marriages, and success rates. The right counselor should be committed to helping couples stay together and overcome their issues, with a significant portion of their practice involving both partners.
Given the potential risks associated with traditional marriage counseling, couples may want to consider marriage education as a more effective alternative. This approach focuses on teaching couples the skills and knowledge necessary to strengthen their relationship, rather than delving into therapy.
While the negative outcomes of marriage counseling are concerning, it's important to note that success rates can vary widely depending on the counselor's approach and the couple's commitment to the process. According to the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy, couples therapy has a success rate of 70-75% when conducted by a trained professional. However, the field lacks comprehensive, standardized metrics for success, making it difficult to gauge the true effectiveness of counseling services.
The field of marriage counseling is evolving, with a growing emphasis on evidence-based approaches and the importance of specialized training for therapists working with couples. Organizations like the Gottman Institute and the International Centre for Excellence in Emotionally Focused Therapy are leading the way in providing resources and training for therapists to improve their practice and outcomes for couples.
In conclusion, while marriage counseling can be a valuable resource for some, it's not without its risks. Couples should approach the decision to seek counseling with caution, armed with the right questions and an understanding of the alternatives available. With the right support, many couples can find their way back to a happy and healthy relationship.
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