In the midst of heartbreak, many of my readers have asked me (repeatedly) how to cope with all their negative emotions. Almost all of them desperately wanted some quick way to stem the flow of bad feelings.
By Carl “J.C.” Pantejo, Copyright August 2008
“Prosperity: The eternal flow of all that’s good in life…”
(*This article is based on the ideas presented in the book “My Friend Yu – The Prosperity Mentor,” Copyright August 2007 and further expanded upon in “My Friend Yu – The Prosperity Mentor, Book II,” Release Date: 2008. Pantejo - Y.N. Vurce Publishing.)
“I can’t stop feeling lousy and I cry at the drop of a hat. Isn’t there some kind of fast, simple “trick” to get me back to some semblance of normality?” They asked, almost hysterically…
Even though all personal situations of break-up are different, and recovery from heartbreak can take months (if not years), I’ve found that there really is a simple way to begin healing.
I call it the “Thank You Trick.” But it’s not really a trick. It’s not a temporary illusion that loses its luster after all the mechanics are revealed. It works like pure magic.
And it becomes more real when you understand why it works.
It moves you away from the victim mentality and puts you back in the driver’s seat of your mind (and your life). It replaces resentment with gratitude.
And it lays down a solid foundation for hope.
The following article briefly explains what it is, how to do it, and a few reasons why it works so effectively.
But first, the most common way of coping…
- Denial and Suppression -
The most common, but ultimately useless, method of coping with negative emotions associated with a break-up is Denial or Suppression.
Denial or Suppression of those bad feelings (i.e., confusion, sadness, anger, etc.) will only plant them deeper into your soul where they grow and eventually overtake all the good in your life.
Over the years, I’ve experienced and observed this first-hand many times.
Initially, many people enjoy temporary relief by burying their emotions from plain sight. Like the proverbial ostrich, they think the feelings will automatically go away if they just ignore them long enough.
You know what I mean?
You feel like you’ve finally gotten over it. The heartache monster has jumped off your chest, allowing you to breathe a little easier. In fact, you can actually take a few deep, long breaths again. You’re not “a stutter of a breath away” from sadness and tears anymore.
Then something triggers the flood gates to open - again.
It could be an old song, a familiar place, a food, a fragrance, or even one of the hundreds of “ex look-alikes” that seem to come out of the woodwork after your lover leaves your life. Then the growing, pent up emotions emerge, breaking down all your carefully built barriers like a raging tsunami.
It’s painful and torturous to live on the edge of such an emotional abyss. You need to find some way to gain control of these situations. Failure to do so leaves you at the mercy of everything and anyone that could trigger another session of sadness.
- Don’t try to Erase. Change or Replace -
In the case of your emotions and thoughts, if they don’t serve you in any positive way, they need to be modified or replaced.
Emotions, like thoughts, can’t be erased. They can only be changed (or replaced). Think of it this way: Your mind is similar to digital media. Nothing is ever erased, just edited or overwritten.
The “Thank You Trick” can do this.
But before I explain how to do it, we must discuss the nature of things…
- All Things Must “Be” -
To understand why the “Thank You Trick” works, you need to grasp the importance of “being” and why it’s absolutely vital for healing.
Your feelings, like everything else in life, need to "be," before they can change and move on. Recognition, Acceptance, and Love are the only ways to let them “have their time” and flow back into the current of life to teach the next person.
You are blocking your own growth by clinging to the past.
The past is past.
Now is your only time.
Your present moment is where your power resides; the power to heal past hurts, and the power to lay the groundwork for a better tomorrow for you and your loved ones.
All living things must change (meaning: grow/evolve) or die.
That’s why it’s called Life.
You need to get to the point where the thoughts of your “ex” have changed/evolved so much that they can pass through your mind without stirring up negative emotions.
- Pain Redux -
There was a reason you attracted him or her; hence, he/she entered your life. Your “ex” manifested in your life to let you experience something and to teach you something important about yourself.
Without learning from this experience, your individual lesson of life, you are doomed to painfully repeat it over and over again.
Ultimately, you must find that lesson, embrace it, and learn from it. Then, and only then can you truly be free.
- The Light Switch Syndrome –
Too many things in life are erroneously categorized into separate, discreet entities; when in fact, they are just gradations of the same thing. Like a light switch, it seems easier to view the world as either on or off, this or that, black or white, etc.
But think of it. All dichotomies in Life are mere misinterpretations of reality.
For the Intrepid Life Traveler, isn’t “success” and “failure” just two points on the achievement continuum?
Isn’t “hot” and “cold” just two ways to describe temperature? Aren’t the colors of the rainbow all part of the perceived spectrum of light? Aren’t “misery” and “joy” just two residents on the same plane called happiness?
Indeed, like Paolo Cuello wrote in his book “The Alchemist,”
*EVERYTHING IS ONE*
In fact, the only time anything appears to be completely separate from the whole, not just a plain individuation, is when someone tries vainly to stunt its growth (i.e., keep it from changing/evolving by stubbornly trying to hold it in place).
And trying to hold a moving, growing object in place takes enormous amounts of energy.
It (stasis) goes against the prime directive of Life: to change, grow, and evolve, etc., and severely taxes the body and soul in the process.
So, why waste your precious Life Energy on a futile activity?
Why stunt your personal growth trying to prevent the inevitable; especially when the only person you’re hurting is yourself?
- The “Thank You Trick” -
Okay, let’s finally discuss the “Thank You Trick.”
The following exercise may sound silly; but believe me, for many simple and complex reasons, it works. Try it for at least one week; concentrating on one day, one thought at a time.
Just one week and I bet you'll feel better.
Here’s what to do the next time you begin feeling bad about your “ex”:
Instead of feeling bad or confused when you think of your “ex,” say this to yourself (preferably aloud),
"Thank You _______ (name of your “ex”). We had some good times and some bad times. I really learned a lot about myself from you. And it's made me a better person. I completely forgive you and myself. And I sincerely hope you find your way."
Just simply say Thank You.
That’s it, but I know it won’t be easy. Naturally, it will be hard at first and you’ll feel weird doing it. Don’t be surprised if a part of you actually resists the first few attempts. Don’t worry. It gets much easier with practice.
Think to yourself, “Just one instance at a time. Whenever I get those old bad feelings again, I will use my secret weapon: the Thank You Trick.”
Daily, at an accelerated rate, you will notice many things. The intensity of your hurt begins to diminish and you’ll find yourself employing the Thank You Trick less and less.
Before you know it, you’ll realize that you can think about your “ex” more as an observer and not be thrown immediately into a past, hurtful experience.
Remember, you can never really leave a situation unless you leave it through recognition, acceptance, and love.
And without going into deep spirituality, the bottom line is this: Saying thank You injects gratitude into the mix.
Gratitude keeps you connected to everything and is purely positive; hence, being more grateful will attract more positive things, events, and people into your life.
Gratitude is much more powerful than you think. It opens the door, letting love and forgiveness to rush in.
And it will heal you.
- Short list of Benefits -
The “Thank You Trick” does the following:
1. Puts you back in control; moving you away from the victim mentality.
2. Replaces (not suppresses) negative emotions.
3. Instills gratitude and attracts more positive things into your life.
4. Promotes forgiveness and love.
In short, the Thank-You Trick allows you to recognize, accept, and love all situations in your life - no matter how painful they may seem.
And having “run its due course” your pain and suffering will naturally move on.
Try the Thank-You Trick.
What have you got to lose?
I bet you’ll be delightfully surprised how much better you will feel.
Good life to you and yours…
“Until next time, be brave enough to take a Different Path.”
Your Friend in this Intrepid Journey called Life,
Carl “J.C.” Pantejo
Heartache, heartbreak, break up, Thank You Trick, Gratitude, control, victim mentality.
Note: If you want to read more about Universal Laws, success, unconditional love, exorcizing past personal demons, and the Illusive Secret of Happiness, please read the following articles:
“Alternative Notions of Life, a Different Path: Guardian Angels and Universal Laws.”
“Alternative Notions of Life, a Different Path (2): Trying too hard?”
“Alternative Notions of Life, a Different Path (3): First, Be Effective.”
“Alternative Notions of Life, a Different Path (4): Intend. Be Certain.”
“Alternative Notions of Life, a Different Path (5): Why me or why not me? Your choice.”
“Alternative Notions of Life, a Different Path (6): Gratitude – What’s Your Perspective?”
“Experiences from ‘The Flow’ series, articles (1) – (24).” (This is a series of articles about love, romance, Asian/Western relationships, relationship analysis, and more.)
“How Dare She! Out of Desperation I Learned How to Forgive”
“Remember Who You Are!”
“Need to Heal Your Broken Heart? Read on. Overcome Heartbreak and Learn the Illusive Secret of Happiness.”
And much more!
(By Carl “J.C.” Pantejo and published internet-wide, keyword: [title of article] or “Carl Pantejo”)
Pantejo@ynvurcepublishing.com
