Don't Miss Out On Friends Because Of Preconceptions & Automatic Opinions

Have you ever wondered if you’ve missed out on some good friendships or new information because preconceptions and automatic opinions about others have kept you from getting to know them? Looking back, I know that I have.

We see people in a situation and immediately our minds begin to “size them up.” We make judgments based on assumptions that we have no way of knowing whether they are accurate. If there is someone with us to discuss the other person, we can often do an even better job of neatly placing that person inside one of our preconceived stereotypes. Why do we do this? Is it fear, ego, boredom, wanting to feel superior, lucky or unlucky? Probably some of each at different times. We do it so often that we seldom think about it consciously. We see, we size, and we summarily assign everyone a place. They are taller or shorter, smarter or less intelligent, darker or lighter, prettier or uglier that we are.

Isn’t it logical to think that these preconceptions and automatic opinions about others shut us off from potential benefits? Isn’t it possible that these other people have valuable knowledge or friendship? How are we to know if we continuously judge them before we get to know them?

This isn’t a suggestion that we must greet everyone we meet on the street. It is a suggestion to suspend immediate judgment of those we meet. This allows us to get past the superficial banter and awkwardness of introductions. First impressions are important. However, sometimes they are either wrong or misinterpreted. This is especially true when there are cultural or significant age differences between the meeting parties.

Try these five stops to keep yourself open to the chance to find new friends, new associates, and new sources of information.

1. Look at yourself in the mirror. What do you see? What do you think others see? How do you present yourself? Is it your true personality or a façade? Which should it be?
2. Be fair. How much can someone else really tell about you form just looking at you? Would you think it fair for them to base their opinion of you on the first 30 seconds of a conversation with you? Then, is it fair for you to do so for others?
3. Show interesting others. Often we become caught up in how interesting we find our work and our plans. For the first ten minutes after just meeting someone, ask them interesting questions you’d like someone to ask you. Listen attentively.
4. Breathe calmly around a new acquaintance and try to relax. How does the new person feel? If you feel uncomfortable, ask yourself why. Are they aggressive? Are your preconceptions about them making you uneasy? Is there any feeling of camaraderie?
5. Dispute your preconceptions and automatic opinions. Make yourself defend them. Often we can’t even remember why we hold a certain opinion, other than the fact that we always have, or our parents did.

By guarding against judging others too quickly, we can help ourselves not miss opportunities to expand our realm of friends, contacts, and information, and that makes it worth considering.