How To Improve Your Quality of Life by Using the Seven Moments - Moment #4

Moment #4 - Goodbye - "Goodbyes are a good thing."

My mom and dad watched helplessly as the machines pumped oxygen into my little brother’s lungs. His name was Pete. He was seven years old.

His skin had gone deathly pale since the accident, the rose in his cheeks long gone.   “There’s no brain activity,” a doctor told us several months back. “Only the machines are keeping him alive.”

On a particularly cold and cloudy Sunday afternoon, my family gathered to say our final goodbyes. Flowers, balloons, and cards adorned his hospital bed. There were seven of us who crowded the small room. We held hands and listened as our pastor spoke quietly about my brother’s life.

Later on that evening, when the hospital staff had all but disappeared, when the lights had gone dim and the tiled hospital hallways had gone deathly quiet, when the sun had finally set and the window overlooked the night sky, my mom nodded her approval to the doctor. One-by-one, he shut off the machines. My mother openly wept as my little brother Pete finally left this world and slipped quietly away.

There are countless ways to experience a goodbye. We can say  “Goodbye!” to someone and walk away, or we can say “Goodbye!” and hang up the phone. We can shake hands goodbye or give somebody a hug. A goodbye can be in the form of a slight nod or a curt wave. We can also simply walk away without any verbal acknowledgement whatsoever. 

Goodbyes can seem entirely insignificant:  saying goodbye to friends after a night out on the town or saying goodbye to your children as they walk out the front door to school. However small and impersonal they might seem, they are very strong in the human experience; and they should always be experienced with your utmost attention.

The degree of a goodbye depends on factors such as your relationship with whomever  you’re saying farewell to and the reason you are doing so (parting ways with a grocery clerk has far less impact on the human spirit than saying goodbye to your husband who is terminally ill).

Most of us take goodbyes for granted. I know I used to. That’s to be expected when we experience them as often as we do. When we say goodbye, we assume we will see that particular person again. The reality is the next goodbye you share with someone could be your last. There is always a slight chance you will never see that person again.

I’m not trying to bring you down or to be negative.  Not at all. I’m not suggesting that you break down crying like a baby every time you say goodbye to someone.  I’m just pointing out that goodbyes are strong moments in the human experience, and we should learn to appreciate them. If you are uncomfortable saying goodbye to someone, as it might be when you know you will not see this person for an extended period of time, then embrace the discomfort and allow yourself to feel it. Don’t shirk it off or try to subdue it (that would be counterproductive to maximizing your life experience). To avoid a goodbye altogether is nothing more than robbing yourself of one of the more powerful moments in life.

Two of the most important moments in life that I’ve outlined in this book will always generate a goodbye. One of them is Introduction (you can’t meet someone without also saying goodbye); and the other is Reunion, which we will talk about later.

When a goodbye is coupled with introduction, you need to pay close attention to this encounter. You need to give your best first impression, and you should also enhance the goodbye in some manner.  If you manage to successfully do both, then you have capitalized on a particularly strong moment in the human experience. You will have left a memorable impression with whomever you met.

I’ve had a strong aversion to goodbyes my entire life. I don’t fully understand why. At family reunions, parties, or any get-together, I would almost always exit by the back door whenever I left. Few people ever saw me go, and I soon developed a reputation for sneaking out.

Now that I’m a little older and a little wiser, I take the time to say goodbye. I make sure I thank my hosts and shake their hands or give them a hug. Even though I fully understand how important goodbyes are for the human spirit, I still find myself a little uncomfortable whenever I experience them.

Death is the ultimate goodbye. There is a finality to someone dying that cannot be comprehended until you actually experience it. When someone dies, family members and friends can’t ever experience the seven moments with them again. All we can do after someone passes is to reflect on the moments in life that we did share with them.  If a close friend or family member has passed away in your life, what sort of memories come to mind when you think of this person? More than likely your memories will be based around the seven moments.

When I was in the fifth grade, my father worked in construction and would leave the house very early in the morning, often before daylight. He would get up before anyone else in the house and make coffee. I can still remember the smell of the coffee brewing. When he’d leave, I would go outside and stand in the middle of our small town road and wave goodbye until the taillights from his work truck faded into the dark. Those mornings when I said goodbye to my father are my earliest memories of how powerful a goodbye can be.

You should appreciate a goodbye situation every time you experience it, no matter how painful or how emotionally light it may seem at the time. When you say goodbye, focus on that moment. Be sincere. Pay attention to the details.

The next part of this article series is titled How To Improve Your Quality of Life by using the Seven Moments - Moment #5

"This is a multi-part article submission with excerpts directly from my book Life: The Seven Moments that really matter. Enjoy." - Christian Blake.