Learning, Letting Go, and Standing On My Own

One of the most important things I've learned in life is to stand on my own. I used to really care what others thought and based my actions on that a lot. Fortunately, I've been forced to take a good look at myself and learn to love myself regardless of what anyone else thinks or says. Besides, you can speculate all you want about what someone is thinking but all that does is cause stress...and you really can't know anyway until they tell you. Like the lady at the grocery store with the crazy children, she may see that look in my eye and interpret it as, "why can't she control her darn kids!" and go home thinking everyone was thinking critical thoughts about her and her kids when in fact I'd be more likely to be thinking, "that poor lady, I really empathize from all my frustrating trips in public as a single mom with 3 kids under 5 where my kids were twice as naughty or noisy as hers." My husband used to really drive me crazy with that, always worrying about what others were thinking and always listening to see if they were talking about him. It's been so great to see his shift to thinking, "well, if it's me they're talking about I hope it's nice, otherwise who cares."

This week I had a learning experience. It begins several months ago when I was in contact with a person who was interested in my business. I had gotten all the information about the company and our products and opportunity to this person, invested a lot of time on the phone in explaining and answering a lot of questions and such. My prospect was all ready to sign up and just had to run it by the significant other. I was told to expect a call back in 2 days to make the deal. But 2 days later...no call. On the 3rd day, I couldn't make contact until finally the extent of the conversation was basically that I better never try to contact this person again (said in a very rude manner)!

This was a pretty big blow because this was my first serious prospect in my new business (not to mention a pretty good sized commission) but it was the first step in my process of learning how to be completely detached from the outcome of people's decisions. Now I'm able to simply desire to help others, no strings attached. I give them the information and if this is what they're ready for, Great; and if it's not then I truly hope the best for them and try to find out if there is anything else I can do or offer that can help them. People frequently seem surprised that I just want to offer whatever I can to really help them, regardless of if it's relating to my specific business or not. I am in the business of offering others solutions, sometimes I make money at it, sometimes not, but all in all a sale isn't what matters but helping lives improve is. As I give to the universe, the universe always gives back.

So that was done and over with and pretty much forgotten about until this week when I got an email from this same person. She wanted to let me know that she had been trying to get in touch with me last month to join the company but couldn't remember my name and had deleted me from the contacts. So he found someone else to sign up with a few weeks ago and is busy with our Personal Development Program and building her own business. I think that's great for her and I said as much and I wished her the best. But something that gets me is that the email I received indicated that this person seems to believe that I was not there for her when I was needed. Maybe she doesn't remember that she was the one who very rudely and pointedly said to never call again and then deleted me from her contacts. Now, it would be easy for me to have a tendency to turn the blame around as well. But who says I didn't feel the nudge to check in with this person a couple months back and kept telling myself that I better not and justifying my lack of action by the way the last conversation had gone? I need to accept my own responsibility for my part.

I chalk it up to learning. What did I learn from this? It would have been easy to have been frustrated about this. But first of all, this is the main person who really taught me to become detached which has improved and facilitated not only my business but my life and emotional state as well. And if she needs someone to blame for whatever, then I don't mind if it's me. And besides, she's in the middle of our transformational program which has an awful lot to do with what has truly transformed me and my way of thinking. Through this program she will likely get over her need to have someone to blame for things. Heck, I used to need someone to blame for things too. And who am I to hang onto it once she has moved on and learned a better way?

We are all learning. We all make mistakes. We all need a little more understanding and a little less criticism. And really, none of us needs a grudge. I used to have one. And the very best thing I've ever done for myself is let that go. It's like stepping out of the dark into the light, getting rid of the thing that consumes you and makes you sour. It took a thousand pounds off my shoulders and unchained my heart. And you know what? I doubt the person I used to have a grudge against ever noticed a difference (in fact I'm pretty sure not) but MY life is 100% different! I feel so free and healthy! It's a beautiful thing. If you have a grudge, I urge you to understand that you CAN let it go! You MUST find a way and it will dramatically improve your life and your emotional well being, not to mention your family and other relationships.

Today I can be me. I love it! I love me! And my feelings of self worth are not based on anything anyone else has to say or may feel. I'm learning to empathize with others instead of criticize or judge. I'm trying to be more objective and ask myself if I know enough about the circumstances or situation to really understand. I'm learning that frustrating or painful experiences are an opportunity for learning and personal growth and betterment. I'm experiencing emotional freedom I never thought possible.

©2009 Vauna Byrd