Procrastination - It All Started Out in Our Childhood

Let's talk a little bit again about that so-called need to be loved and approved of by others which can, as we now know, not only cause us to feel important doses of anxiety, but also lead us to procrastinate.

As a matter of fact, our debilitating fear of being disapproved of by some people—and thus losing their love—often leads us to procrastinate... and more so if we erroneously believe we simply cannot do without the love and approval of these people.

All these problems started out in our childhood—which is not very surprising considering the fact that this specific period of time precedes the unfolding of the rest of our lives. Needless to say it is also during our childhood that we were the most vulnerable as human beings, both physically and mentally.

As little children, we easily thought we had an urgent need to be loved and approved of by everyone. We were in a mist, of course. However, let’s keep in mind that little children are still frail human beings and so the approval—or at least the non-disapproval—of others is usually a lot more useful for them than it is for self-sufficient adults.

On top of that, not only could we—little children that we were—easily think stupid things by ourselves, but we were also willing to learn almost anything that others decided to teach us. Our critical thinking being undeveloped, it was easy for us to believe hokum—including the idea that we had a terrible and compelling need to be loved and approved of by our parents and that to displease them was the most disastrous misfortune that could ever happen to us.

Needless to say this erroneous belief of ours most probably served the purpose of our well-intentioned parents. Indeed, if a child is terrified at the idea of displeasing his parents, not only will he be docile—at least, most of the time—but a single frown will be enough for him to obey and comply with the wishes of others.

For example, when we were little children, many of us have been repeated claptrap such as, "Mummy will not be happy if you don’t empty your plate." And what if we had answered back something like: "So what? You won’t be happy, that I know… but, as far as I am concerned, I will be happy because I loathe eating broccoli." Unfortunately, such a mindset and talk usually only come from an adult who broke free from the illusions and erroneous beliefs he has learned in the early years of his life.

What about you? Do you think you absolutely need the love and approval of your father, your mother, your brothers and sisters, and so on to act as you think is best for you? If so, then you may well be holding the key explaining some of the reasons why you tend to procrastinate.

How many of us wait interminably before leaving our brutal spouse—man or woman, no distinction—simply because we know our family doesn’t approve divorce? How many of us literally keep our talents well hidden in our drawers because we are afraid of being judged, condemned, and disapproved of by others should we dare to share our gifts with the world? How many of us endlessly step back before certain things because we are afraid of losing the approval and love of others?

Wouldn’t it be more useful for us to roll up our sleeves, get to work, and expulse from our minds the erroneous belief that says we absolutely need the love and approval of everyone to be happy? And what if we substituted this erroneous belief for a more realistic one, such as: "While I find it pleasant and useful to get the love and approval of some people, it is up to me to calculate the price for me to pay in order to get this love and approval?"

"There’s no such thing as a free ride," or so they say. And the love and approval of others are no different. If we take action, it is possible that some people will be displeased, but that will simply be the price for us to pay in order to live our lives as we think is best for us.