Stand by your Manicure

Eight successful, intelligent women sat around a dinner table during a girls' night out last year. Six of them were married with babies while the other two, including me, were single. Between starters and mains, the conversation shifted from complaints about domestic workers to the consistency of baby pooh. I was feeling edgy. 'My sister in London says Ronnie's playgroup phones her to fetch him if he has a hint of diarrhoea in his nappy. They refuse to deal with it,' one said disapprovingly. (She's a high-powered attorney - who knew?) While the others tut-tutted and contributed their own faecal horror stories, my fellow singleton and I exchanged looks of desperation. Eventually, she and I huddled together, topped up our wine and began discussing the demise of America the superpower.

The truth is, while hitched women buy houses, have babies, choose lounge suites and generally keep the economy going, single women do other things - such as, you know, travel Asia alone, write books, change the world. Singletons are beautifully self-contained units. Isn't it time they were recognized for their contribution to society?If you'll allow me to generalize for a moment, single people push boundaries. They say 'Yeah, why not?' to impromptu invitations for road trips and yachting regattas. Attached people look nervous and reply, 'Weeeell, I'll have to check with Geoff first and let you know.'

Singletons happily camp at music festivals, falling into their tents at 6am. Couples opt for comfort over experience, checking into B & Bs so they can watch DSTV in their matching waffle-weave bathrobes. Single women wear tiny, lacy knickers and make time for manicures; women in couples prefer sensible cotton briefs and claim they're too busy for self-indulgence. Single girls ask you, 'Should I get a belly ring or hair extensions for summer, or both?'

Your attached friends muse, 'I'm wondering whether to go for the aqua mosaic or the travertine splashback in the kitchen.' When single friends arrive at your place for girls' night they say, 'Excuse me while I find myself a cocktail.' Attached women say, 'Sorry, I have to SMS Thabo so he knows I've arrived safely.'

A Single-Minded Approach

Since I'm now, ahem, in quite a serious relationship - which I am rather enjoying, by the way - I've taken it upon myself to bring to coupledom the life lessons singledom taught me. And if you don't want to end up as one of those saddo couples who spend weekends watching DVDs in tracksuit pants and Crocs, listen up.

Be mysterious, keep wearing your 'get lucky' underwear, go out whenever possible instead of staying in, take salsa classes, keep flirting, act as though life holds infinite possibilities (it always does) and never, ever stop coordinating your handbag with your outfit, okay? Don't drop those decadent evenings-for-one, where you eat Lindor in a bubble bath while Joss Stone croons sexily in the background. Never stop wearing impractical high heels when the occasion calls for it. (Why are those always the first to go? Attached women wear beaded slipslops with their beige cropped pants.)

And please, girlfriends, don't lose your identity. You kind of need it, whether you're on your own or part of a twosome. This means retaining your personal e-mail address, no matter what - none of that tomandsarah@mail.com business or, worse, using his e-mail address when you go on maternity leave. (Hello, how can your friends send you top-secret girlie gossip and photos of hot, topless men if your guy is all over it like a rash?)

Hooray for the single life, for freedom, spontaneity and self-expression. Coupledom? It brings commitment, sharing and stability, and probably turns us into better people. So stand by your man, by all means - but also stand by your thong and all it signifies.