The Ultimate Mistake Men Make With Women – Part 2

The Counterproductive Courtship Behavior

Many men, when faced with a lack of interest from a woman, respond by increasing their efforts in ways that are often counterintuitive. This includes overly submissive behavior, excessive compliments, and a general demeanor that might be termed as 'wussy'. This approach not only fails to attract interest but often exacerbates the disinterest.

The Psychology Behind the Behavior

It's baffling to observe a man continue or even escalate behaviors that clearly aren't working. This pattern can be explained through psychological principles such as cognitive dissonance and escalation of commitment. Cognitive dissonance occurs when one's actions are not aligned with their beliefs, causing discomfort that they often try to alleviate by justifying their actions rather than changing them. Escalation of commitment refers to the phenomenon where individuals continue on a failing course of action after having already invested time, money, or effort into it, as noted in a study by Barry M. Staw in his work, "Knee Deep in the Big Muddy: A Study of Escalating Commitment to a Chosen Course of Action" (Organizational Behavior and Human Performance, 1976).

The Misconception of Attraction

The misconception lies in the belief that increased affection and subservience can generate attraction. This is contrary to numerous studies and expert opinions that suggest attraction is often sparked by qualities such as confidence, independence, and personal charisma. Dr. Robert Cialdini, in his book "Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion," highlights that people value and are more attracted to what is scarce. In this context, overavailability as demonstrated through 'wussy' behaviors can make one less attractive.

Women's Perception

The idea that women have an innate ability to detect subservience is not just a casual observation but is supported by psychological research indicating that humans are generally adept at reading non-verbal cues. These cues often reveal much about a person's confidence and self-esteem, which are critical factors in initial attraction phases.

Why Temporary Acceptance?

It's puzzling why women sometimes entertain the advances of men exhibiting these unattractive traits. Social exchange theory, which posits that relationships are formed based on a cost-benefit analysis (as discussed in "Social Exchange in Developing Relationships," edited by R. L. Burgess and Ted L. Huston), suggests that short-term acceptance of such advances might occur when the perceived benefits (such as attention or gifts) temporarily outweigh the drawbacks.

Key Takeaways

• Understand Attraction: Recognize that genuine attraction is based on respect and interest, not pity or pressure.
• Self-Improvement Over Trying Harder: Focus on developing personal qualities that are universally attractive such as confidence, a sense of humor, and independence.
• Read the Signs: Pay attention to non-verbal cues from women, which are often more telling than the verbal ones.

In conclusion, while the instinct might be to increase efforts when facing rejection, this is often the least effective strategy. A better approach is to develop oneself into a genuinely attractive person who does not need to resort to counterproductive behaviors. For further reading on effective dating strategies and understanding attraction, resources like Psychology Today provide extensive insights and expert analyses.