How Do I Get Better at Flirting?

Flirting is a difficult concept for most people, plagued with mystery and consternation. We feel about blindly in the dark and when things work out we're never really quite sure why. Is he not interested? Was she checking me out? Should I go over there and talk to her? Should I buy him a drink? It's never simple to figure out what someone else is thinking, but there are ways to make an educated guess and occasionally be right. Flirting is a skill you have to recognize first, then practice until you figure out what works for you. No one is always successful, so just enjoy the ride. Dating advice is just that - advice. Sometimes it works, sometimes you go down hard.

The difficulty most people have with flirting begin with recognition - "are she flirting with me?" Figuring out whether someone is flirting with you is no easy task, but I suggest you try and evaluate things as objectively as possible. Are they focusing most of their attention on you? Are they "hanging on every word" you say? When you talk about a subject you're interested in, are they asking questions despite not showing any other interest in the topic? Or when conversation slows down, are they trying to find out more about you, what you're like?

Their body language is important, are they laughing with you, smiling, and most crucially, touching you? Physicality is a "touchy" subject because everyone has different level of touchiness - some people are naturally very physical while others aren't used to it, and wires can get mixed up in the interpretation. Touching someone on the upper arm or shoulder, for example, is usually OK, but some people are only OK with that if you know each other well. Eventually you may realize that flirting goes on all the time. People are constantly flirting with each other as they speak, it's just a matter of whether both parties decide to take it to the next level, usually implicitly.

Once you've recognized that someone is flirting with you, all you have to do is flirt right back! Easy, no? Oh wait, it's not. How do you keep up flirting? Just do exactly what I wrote above in reverse. Show interest in the other person. Get them to talk about themselves and their views. Show off your interest in them, make them the center of your attention for a couple minutes. The key, though, is not to overdo it. If you push the limits too far then you'll come off as someone who's trying too hard. It's a tough tightrope walk, but you'll get the hang of things as long as you practice as much as possible.

Society may not like to call it such, but flirting is a skill. It's a matter of recognizing your interest in someone, noticing that interest being reciprocated, and "knowingly" proceeding together without necessarily acknowledging so out loud. We don't think of it as a "practice makes perfect" subject, but it definitely is. Many years ago I had trouble telling if someone was flirting with me to save my life, but now I know almost instantly, and flirting back is just a matter of finding the groove and enjoying getting to know someone new. It truly becomes unconscious after enough practice - after enough effort, strangely enough. There's no one way to flirt, everyone has to find their own style, but once you do you'll see their eyes light up.