Learning to Deal With Your Blended Family

Watching your Mom or Dad marry someone else can be hard, even if you like the person that he or she is marrying!  Don't worry, you are not alone.  Blended family marriage is hard on everyone involved.  You're worried about your role in your new family, your parent is hoping that you and your stepmother (or stepfather) will get along and your new step parent is trying to figure out where he/she fits into your already constructed family unit.  Every new blended family goes through this!Every new blended family has growing pains—sometimes they even start before the blended family marriage seals everyone together.  Creating a new family is hard!  Everyone has expectations and fears and what usually happens is that those fears end up being taken out on one another instead of worked through together.  So don't freak out if you just had a ginormous fight with your new stepsister about something the two of you used to agree on before the blended family marriage.  It isn't that you don't like each other anymore; it is that you are trying to figure out how to be siblings and live together "for reals."The most important tip that we can give you as a member of a newly blended family unit is to be patient.  Do your best to understand that your new stepmother or stepfather is just as worried and stressed out as you are about your current living climate.  Just because the blended family marriage was agreed to (and supported) by everyone involved doesn't mean that the actual blending process will be easy.  Everyone is going to make mistakes.  Your new step parent might try to "over parent" you because he is trying to take an active role in your life and doesn't know how else to do it.  It is also possible that your new step parent will suddenly seem like she is afraid of you—this is because she doesn't want to disrupt the relationship you already have with your own parent.  When you start to feel frustrated, take a deep breath and remind yourself "they are unsure of their footing too."  It won't be easy, but it will help keep things as calm as possible.Of course, being patient does not mean being a push over!  If you feel like the blended family marriage has changed things in ways that make you uncomfortable speak up about it!  The key is speaking up calmly.  Instead of accusing someone of doing something you don't like, talk it out: "I don't know how to react because I don't know you well enough to know if you're being serious."  Or "The rules about my curfew have been around for a few years now and they've been working fine.  I do not think that they should change but let's sit down with my Mom and figure it out."  Or even "I appreciate that you're trying to be a good stepmother/stepfather, but I feel more comfortable talking about this with my own Mom/Dad."  It will get better.  Every blended family marriageresults in some strife and irritation.  Be patient and be honest and your newly blended family will learn to live together eventually!